House of Jorob

The Mailstream: So Why Is It That No Matter What Color Bubble Bath You Have, The Bubbles Are Always White?

Mailstreams are rivers, with lots of stuff floating in the depths.

I understand people like to slap filters in their streams, cleaning the screens every couple of days without a second thought.
Me, I sift the screens. There's always something interesting in there.
Like the following question.
I peeled it off the filters, hung it out to dry a bit, and tried to come up with an answer.
It was perhaps an Imponderable once, or part of an Andy Rooney or comic's stand-up routine.

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you have, the bubbles are always white?

Like in a dish-washing soap, the dye coloring the solution making up your bottle of bubble bath has very little to do with the color of the bubbles. Even if it's red or lavender going into the tub, once the water interacts with the soap your dealing with soap bubbles. And soap bubbles aren't white. They're soap bubbles, and they're so thin-skinned they're clear.
Bubble bath bubbles have numbers on their side, though: they reflect light and refract it within, and when all bunched up in a tubby foam there's so many refractions and reflections going on, all you see is white light again. If you get in real close to some of the stuff, you can see the light being bent into different colors across the surface of the individual bubbles.

Not a lot of support for this question out on the web--closest thing I found that was accurate was on the Answer Bag.

Don't Delete Your Grandfather

There's a catch in the character management section of Dungeons and Dragons Online (DDO) that could cause players to lose character slots from their accounts.

Dungeons and Dragons Online, the mmorpg version of the fabled pen and paper gaming system, is managed by Turbine.

Months ago, Turbine got tired of carrying close to a dozen game-world servers and consolidated worlds. In a game that lives by players grouping up, the player base was spread too thin.

If the server you came to, from one of those being consolidated, had a character bearing the same name as your character, when you booted up after the job was done you found that your character now bore a modified appellation: a hyphenated suffix carrying your old server's name had been attached. So if you had a character called Calis on the server Mabar, and Mabar was folded into Argonnessen, your new character name is Calis-Mabar.

Before consolidation, it was possible to have a good number of characters on multiple servers. And, Turbine promised people they would not lose their characters.

Result?

A lot of players carrying characters on their new, consolidated server that exceeded the normal allocation of characters.

Well, a year's gone by since consolidation.

And players with the 32-point build like to experiment, especially now that the new character class, Monk, is open.

To experiment, you start by deleting an old character. You then put a new one in its slot.

Here's where the catch, which seems to be easy to forget over the passage of time, comes in:

The hyphenated characters are grandfathered.

Even if they don't sit at the bottom of your list.

And the DDO account only gives you a baseline of NINE characters. So if you have 10 characters and you're no longer using your Calis-Mabar character, DON'T delete it. 

It'll be just like cutting flash off of a molded plastic part--your character slot vanishes. And you will not get it back. Turbine is very clear about that. Trouble is, they are clear after you call tech support.

I haven't found this detail anywhere on their tech support site. I'm sure it was mentioned during Consolidation, but like I said, that was a year ago.

Cat People: Remember Your Shots

We're cat people, my wife and I.
Not this kind. Nor this. (Side note: Not this, either. But it's worth your investment to read it--press on through the thickset opening portion and relish the clear prose surrounding a child's comprehension of how reading works. It's about two-thirds of the way through.)
I was born a cat person. My wife picked it up through osmosis. She'll always harbor a warm spot in her heart for dogs.

Me, I can do without dogs. I don't hate them. I tolerate them, cheerfully greet my neighbors as they walk them around, and cringe like anyone else when I hit a pile of their droppings with the mower.

Currently our household contains four cats: Darla (The Queen), Gabriel ("Oh hi. Is that your lap? Mind if I borrow it?"), Oreo (my wife's fifth limb), and Elwood ("Pet me? You? With those hands?")
Darla's a combination of colors--white, black, three shades of grey, a backcoat that spotted like an ocelot's--while Gabe's an orange tabby. Oreo and Elwood: Black and whites, brother and sister.

We almost added one more the other weekend--a charcoal grey named Solo.
Except we ran afoul of the cat adoption laws.
Like many things, adopting a cat has become complicated.

It just looks easier.

These days the trend is towards affiliation. Agencies affilate with big-chain pet food stores. I won't pretend to know the economics, but I can guess at a few--the agencies are non-profits, or very trim for-profits, with brutally austere budgets. The pet stores trade them floor space--and maybe veterinary access--for their terminally cute "adoptables" being onsite. When you sell cat food and cat litter, it helps if you can grow your market a bit.

Anyway, we use PetSmart. Their canned wet food prices beat our local supermarket's, and they sell Max Cat dry food, which, while not as pricey as Iams, certainly is a notch or two above Friskies dry when it comes to ash and assorted other things. With four cats, I buy the dry stuff in bulk.

While PetSmart is national, my experience with the adoptions is the agencies are local. Or as local as can be, when working inside a large city. In smaller venues, it's simpler.

I'd had one good experience with the PetSmart/adoption agency system prior to this: Oreo and Elwood came our way via the partnership with PetSmart and the Jersey State Feline Fanciers-Jersey State Animal Rescue. A mouthful, but both sides of the hyphen are linked together in real life.

We met Oreo and Elwood in one of the adoption sections of the annual January cat show put on by Jersey State Feline Fanciers. Filled out the adoption paperwork there, and then learned we would need to make a trip to Berlin, NJ to pick up the kittens if we were awarded them. How long? Two-three days, tops, we were told. To check references and vet details.

This was on a Sunday.

They were accurate. Wednesday we were on our way to Berlin, after a Tuesday night telephone call.

Several weeks ago we were in our local PetSmart when we spotted Solo. We clicked, and filled out the paperwork for him. We learned from the agency, CatNip (no weblinks found), that there was a family in front of us for him. We told the volunteer (most of the folks working in the agencies are volunteers) that we had four others, and if the family in front of us was going to be crushed by not getting Solo, by all means award him to them.

I figured we'd hear something either way by Thursday.

Wrong.

We had a two week wait, while the agency phones:

• my neighbors as reference checks.
• my vet,  to make sure I didn't lie about my current brood's status.
• my house, because the silly goose handling the adoption paperwork can't read where it says to call my cell phone.

I ended up calling the PetSmart myself, looking for an update. That's what triggered the third bullet point up there, two days after my call. But it wasn't that easy. When I called, the PetSmart people transferred me back to the agency desk:

• The volunteer there couldn't help me. But she put me in touch with the agency director...
• Who had just returned from a ten-day vacation, and didn't have my paperwork handy. But she would contact the volunteer handling the case....
• Who did call, leaving that message up in the first set of bulletpoints about having run into an issue with my vet, and leaving a garbled telephone number with which to call her back....
• Which necessitated a second call to the director, leaving a voice message on her answering machine, explaining the situation and leaving my cell phone yet again for a call back....
• For which call I am still waiting......
• Which prompted a call to my vet, where I learned the issue was probably having missed a round of shots on one of my current cats.

Now, understand that I don't let my cats run outside.
Ever.
Which kind of removes the immediate threat of having missed a shot deadline. However, it matters a great deal to the adoption agencies. Who, frankly, will make a house visit to confirm pet-worthiness if they see fit. And they are well within their rights to do that. Adopt elsewhere, if it bugs you.

Once I take care of the missed shot cycle, we'll be heading out to PetSmart to adopt again.

But it won't be with CatNip. Missed shots aside, I'm still waiting for them to tell me Solo is going to another family. Volunteers or not, with or without vacations, they need to tighten up their communications.

Berlin is nice this time of year.

18,000 BTUs and No Little Coffins

<Dialing> <1-800-MY-HOME>
"Welcome to Sears! What kind of service would you like?"
<work my way through two layers of automated attendants until.....>
"Hello, Thank you for calling Sears. My name is Sam. How may I help you?"
"Hi Sam. My name is Joe and I took delivery on a Kenmore air conditioner earlier this week--"
"Would you let me have your phone number and I'll pull up your order?"
"Um. Sure...."
"Thank you. Oh yes, I see you took delivery Monday on our Kenmore 580.75180700"
"Yep. That's the one. It's a heavy unit, a two-person install. We just installed it today."
"Congratulations!"
"Well, yeah. Except its blowing hot air. We fired it up about an hour ago and the room's still 84 degrees."
"Oh, that's too bad. Well, Mr Robinson, you'll be happy to know Sears backs its products 100 percent. We're there for you. Now, let me ask you a few questions."
"Shoot."
"Is the unit plugged in to a proper electrical outlet?"
"Yes, it's a 220 line. The plug won't fit any other way."
"All right. And you've powercycled the unit, letting it sit for 3 minutes before turning it on again?"
"Yep."
"And it's blowing warm air?"
"Yes. Doesn't matter which setting I have it on. Hi cool, Lo cool, or either of the Fan settings."
"Yes. I see. Well, then, have you fed them?"
"Have I -- fed who?"
"The BTUs. Did you feed them upon opening the carton?"
"Feed--"
"It's been six days since you took delivery.If you don't feed your BTUs they'll die off on you. I suspect that's at the heart of your problem, Mr. Robinson."
"Underfed BTUs?"
"No, dead ones. I'm sorry I wasn't clear. Now, did you look around inside the unit? Just pull the slide tray forward and the unit will come right out just as easy as it slid into the case."
"Okay. I can pull it out but I need to put the phone down a sec."
"That's fine. I'll wait."
"Back. What do you need to know?"
"Did you see any?"
"Any....what?"
"BTUs."
"BTUs? Inside the air conditioner?"
"Yes, that's right."
Well....no. But--"
"That's your trouble then. They're all dead. I'll schedule a service appointment to have someone bring you some more."
"Some more....."
"BTUs. Yes. But I'm afraid the earliest I can schedule an appointment for you is June 23."
"But that's three weeks away! Can't you...make one any earlier?"
"No sir, I apologize for that. But this is summer, and the suppliers are strained a bit around this time."
"Supp-- Oh, never mind. If that's the earliest, that's the earliest. I can't de-install the thing and send it back."
"Yes sir. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
"No. No thanks."
"Thank you for shopping at Sears."
<click>.

Bookshelf: The Golden Key

The Golden Key
Melanie Rawn
Jennifer Roberson
Kate Elliott
c. 1997

A fully realized fantasy, with a depth of language and an honestly created cast, The Golden Key takes you to a land where the written contract is secondary. The painted contract is Law. Words may shift their context over time, but a painting leaves no questions.

The Limner: the grand court's official painter. A man of renowned importance. And two families vie to hold the position. The Serranos, holders of the office for the past three generations, and the Grijalvas, whose very existence has been threatened by a monumental disgrace.

The Grijalvas are a clan steeped in dark rumor. Their painters dabble not only in paints, so they say. They say the sterile males, males who make up a good portion of the line so their females are twice as fertile to make up for it, carry a black power, evil magics in their brushes.

They are not far off in what they say.

I just wish the damn book didn't take 900 pages to tell their story. The storylines turn into a grind after a while. The book reads like three separate novels, tied together with a single bridge chapter between each book. I can't find any references to the paperback being a compiled novel, so I can't justify it. 

A highly compelling story, for sure. But a brutal read. I've put it down twice so far--at the end of what is clearly Book One and again after Book Two--and I come back to it like a tongue worrying a sore tooth. A key component in the tale evolves over 350 years, and I swear the authors want to make me feel the true agony of all those years.

I respect what the authors have done enough to seek out each individual's work and read them in the future. But I'll drag my sorry ass to the finish line on this one, marvelling at how well the authors managed to execute their style and tone.

But I remember the blue books: Dungeons and Dragons v 4.0.

Yeah, and the blue books weren't all that great, when looking back after all these years.

Jim, one of my gamers, was kind enough to drop off the version 4.0 Players Handbook and Dungeon Masters Guide for a review yesterday afternoon.

Now, I have to preface this with the following:
I hate rule revisions. Especially when they screw them up, like when 3.0 came out. Took a whole rework of the set, 3.5, to fix the fixes, and meantime we're spending $20 a pop on books. So when word began circulating (I first heard while playing DDO) about a new set of rule revisions, I rebelled. Refused to visit the Wizards site. Didn't even want a glimpse of the rules changes. Not a one. Told my gamers I didn't want to hear about them at the gametable, either.

I have spent the last 4 hours with the volumes and here is my initial reaction.

They've gutted the game rules. They were absolutely ruthless, and they gutted them.
I like it.
To wit, the gutting: The old DM Guide was 310 pages. The new DM Guide is 220 pages. And the typeface is larger. They've moved almost all of the magical item descriptions out of the DMG and into the PH---or some other, as yet unreleased, tome.

I was stunned to see how they present generating character ability scores. Actually rolling dice to make your ability scores has been relegated to the dungeon. Presented first are two other ways to generate your scores. Then, almost reluctantly, are gamers told how to roll for abilities. Gamers are advised, "Use this method with caution."

They've changed the basic combat engine. Drastically. But like I said, I like it.

Initiatives are a Dexterity check: d20. Result is a 5. To this, add:
+4 (half your level)
+2 (your dex  modifier)
5+6=11, your initiative for this encounter.

Instead of an attack roll based on character enhancements vs an AC, you make an attack roll and modify it according to the ability the attack is keyed to.
Two examples will show this rapidly:

Terrance the Fighter swings at a goblin using his +1 longsword. He rolls a d20. The result is an 8. To this he adds:
+4 (half his fighter level)
+3 (his 18 STR score modifier)
+1 (his sword's modifier)
8+8=16 vs the goblin's AC of 13 is a hit and the goblin takes damage according to a simple to use weapon formula.

Bluetooth the Wizard unleashes a fireball onto four kobolds. She rolls a d20 (yep!) The result is an 11. To this she adds:
+4 (half her wizard level)
+3 (her 18 intelligence modifier)
11+7=18 vs the kobold's REFLEX DEFENSE SCORE of 15 (10 + 4 (half their level) + 1 (the higher of their Dex or Int modifier). The fireball does the proscribed damage. The kobold save comes in at the end of the round.

Where did I get the reflex defense?
It is dictated by the fireball spell attack.
That's right.

Except neither of these things are called attacks any more. They are called Powers. And you have plenty of powers to choose from. Some, like swinging a sword, are not restricted at all--they are called "at will" powers. Others can be used once per melee encounter, and so on.

By gutting the battle system and throwing out hundreds of geek-inspired charts, tables, and formulae, I think the developers have done me a favor--removed the need for a personal computer to figure out who the hell is winning.

By moving all the available magic out of the DMG and putting it into the PH, they've helped get the friggin descriptions out where I don't have to worry about reciting them any more once one has been found. But never fear, just because you can READ about something doesn't mean you can actually FIND it in my universe.

There is a serious reduction in the amount of magic items available for reading about in the new books.
I suspect this material will be made available to the DM's who cough up a subscription to the DnDInsider website.

I figure I can find missing items here, using this search engine:

I might start dorking around with this builder if only to see what it does.

You definitely will need the subscription to merge maps made with the above tool into the online device, so your players can party from four different home-based internet connections during the terrible blizzard of 2009.

The DMG is full of advice. Yep. Real, honest-to-goodness words of helpfulness.I can actually imagine a virgin DM sitting down with this book and using it the first time and having a fun gaming experience.

I've given my gamers the "ok, we can discuss whether or not we want to go to 4.0" green light. We'll set some time before an upcoming gaming session to kick their thoughts around along with my own. I need to spend some more time digging through the books as of yet--I haven't looked at the new Monster Manual, and there are a few things with the saving throws that still don't sit right with me--I need to make sure I'm reading it right.

I still think it is a chance for Hasbro to make another pot of money by wiping out Dungeon Master libraries all over the world. The volumes are $35. Each. That's almost $100 to DM your first game.

But the revisions do not suck. Not at all.

What a disgrace: ABC/ESPN Coverage of the Belmont Stakes

Da'Tara wins the Belmont.

But if you watched the race on ABC/ESPN, you'd be completely without that information.

What you got instead was at least eight uninterrupted television minutes of Big Brown losing. All the interviews went with the loser. All the video went with the loser.

And Da'Tara, the winner? You couldn't even find the horse's name on the screen. And when it showed up, it was underneath Big Brown.

When the cameras finally picked the winning horse up, the winner's circle was pretty empty. The family, the trainer, the track rep. And that was it.  And they were all walking away, the ceremony over.

Some belated yelling in the background, and some last minute circling of Da'Tara as they tried to get an interview set up, was laughable.

The trophy presentation smacked of last-minute makeups.

Truly a disgrace.An insult to the winner.

Nine Things You Shouldn't Do While Dealing With Bell's Palsy

My writing schedule got seriously screwed this week thanks to an attack of Bell's Palsy last weekend.

See NINDS, Mayo Clinic, and the BP Infosite for specifics about how the disease works.

It came on during the day last Friday--except it was so damn gradual I didn't notice what was happening until my upper lip started tingling.

By then I had kind of worked out that my bleary, tearing right eye might be more than simple eyestrain.
A few dribbles from my coffee cup cinched it.

Both my aunt and my grandmom had Bell's: growing up, I was eerily fascinated by how perfectly normal faces could droop down one side, as if melted.

I'm not as unfortunate as some victims--my droops are only visible by the end of the day, when my eye-sag is prominent. Unless I laugh, in which case the rictus is really obvious.

I spent Monday getting tests done to make sure I was suffering from Bell's only. I was pretty sure about it--I passed all the FAST and GiveMe5 stroke-checks, and the onset of symptoms took almost 12 hours to complete--but all that did was take the urgency back a few notches.

Methylprednisolone, ibuprophen after the steriod course is complete, and 6-8 weeks. I should be fine after that.

Meantime, here are nine things I've learned I shouldn't do with Bell's Palsy hanging around my face:

• Whistle.
• Drink through a straw.
• Eat spaghetti.
• Bite anything over that's half-inch in height (my jaw works, but my floppy lip drapes over top of my teeth--I have to move the lip out of the way to let the teeth do their job)
• Rinse-and-spit (As in, after brushing my teeth in the morning. Water and toothpaste foam blows everywhere)
• Hold my face under the showerhead (Water floods into my droopy eye. Ouch)
• Say things like "Really white rubberband" and expect my mouth not to cramp up.
• Shave normally.
• Take a casual sip from any mug, cup, or container.

The Mailstream: So Why Do They Use Sterilized Needles for Death by Lethal Injection?

Mailstreams are rivers, with lots of stuff floating in the depths.

I understand people like to slap filters in their streams, cleaning the screens every couple of days without a second thought.
Me, I sift the screens. There's always something interesting in there.
Like the following question.
I peeled it off the filters, hung it out to dry a bit, and tried to come up with an answer.
It was perhaps an Imponderable once, or part of an Andy Rooney or comic's stand-up routine.

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Every place I looked had this answer, so it qualifies by my counting as the best answer: You can't buy unsterilized needles. Prison personnel get their medical equipment from the same places as every other group. Cannulae -- the hollow pointy things -- are sterilized during the manufacturing process.
Wikipedia provides to other supporting responses:

• there is always a chance the prisoner receives a stay of execution after the needle has been inserted
• using unsterilized equipment puts all the rest of the involved prison personnel at hazard.

So there it is.