House of Jorob

No, Wait...My Millions Are In Australia

Today I hear from Carol Sweet.

In an email.

I always win my millions in an email.

Carol's the Online coordinator for AUSTRALIAN LOTTO PROGRAMME, Sweepstakes International Program.

She must be important.

Look at all the words in her title.

Carol's happy to tell me about my two hundred grand I just won.

It's a bonus payment, no less.

The real lotto is worth 1.3 billion.

Just in case I wondered about their legitimacy, Carol tells me their source funding is "provided by a conglomerate of some multinational companies as part of their social responsibility to the citizens in the communities where they have operational base."

Oh.

Must be for real, then.

All I have to do to claim my winnings?

Send em my name, full address, and phone number.

And my nationality, marital status, and age.

Call and give this data to  Rev.Father John Palenberg 

Telephone Number: +447031987990

If I want to write him instead, he's at St Giles Cripplegate, Fore Street, Barbican, London EC2Y 8DA

But I have to be discrete about it.

If tell anyone, my millions are forfeit.

Damn.

Back to Fed Ex.

Here's the original, for all the unbelivers:

AUSTRALIAN ONLINE /MICROSOFT INTERNATIONAL AWARD 2009
UNI, 24 HIGHER AVENUE HARRIS PARK
GRANVILLE NSW 0152 SYDNEY
AUSTRALIA.   GOVERNMENT ACCREDITED LICENSED!!!
AUSTRALIAN INTERNATIONAL ONLINE E-MAIL,
LOTTERY ELECTRONIC E-MAIL SELECTION
IS REGISTERED UNDER THE DATA PROTECTION ACT OF;(Registration Z720633X). JANUARY 22/1/2009   Ref: 475061725
Batch: 7056490902/188
Winning no: GB8701/LPRC 
CONGRATULATIONS!!
Dear Sir/Madam,
 
We are delighted to inform you of your prize release on 28/3/2009, from the Australian Lottery programme.
 
This is a bonus to promote lotto in Australia which is fully based on an electronic selection of winners using their e-mail addresses form some site.   Your email address was attached to ticket number; 47061725 07056490902 serial number 7741137002 this batch draws the lucky numbers as follows 5-13-33-37-42bonus number17, which consequently won the lotto in the second category.   You here by have been approved a lump sum pay of US$200,000.00 (TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS) in cash credit file ref: ILP/HW 47509/02 from the total cash prize shared amongst eight lucky winners in this category.
 
All participant were selected through a computer balloting  system drawn form Nine hundred thousand E-mail addresses from Canada,Australia,United States, Asia, Europe, Middle East, Africa and Oceania as part of our international promotions program which is conducted annually.
 
This Lotto was promoted and sponsored by a conglomerate of some multinational companies as part of their social responsibility to the citizens in the communities where they have operational base.
 
Further more your details (e-mail address) falls within our European representative office in London, Amsterdam, Holland, as indicated in your play coupon and your prize of US$200,000.00 will be released to you from this regional branch office in London.   We hope with part of your prize, you will participate in our end of year high stakes for US$1.3 Billion international draw.
 
HOW TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE: Simply contact our fiducially agent, (Rev.Father John Palenberg) Email address (Email:revfatherjohnpalenberg.uk.009@gmail.com
) to file for your claim.
 
Please quote your reference, batch and winning number which can be found on the top left corner of this notification as well as your full name, address and telephone number to help locate your file easily.
 
For security reasons, we advice all winners to keep this information confidential from the public until your claim is processed and your prize released to you.
 
This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted taking advantage of this program by non-participant or unofficial personnel.
 
Note, all winnings MUST be claimed before the end of this programme; otherwise all funds will be returned as Unclaimed and eventually donated to charity organizations.   Congratulations once again on your winnings!!!Best
Regards Carol Sweet (coordinator)
Congratulations once again on your winnings!!!
Best Regards Carol Sweet (co-coordinator) PLEASE DO NOT
REPLY TO THIS EMAIL.CONTACT YOUR CLAIMS AGENT AT
( E-mail:revfatherjohnpalenberg.uk.009@gmail.com) ANY BREACH OF CONFIDENTIALITY  ON THE PART OF THE WINNERS WILL RESULT TO DISQUALIFICATION.
                                                                                                 
   CONTACT YOUR CLAIMS AGENT:   
  
Name: Rev.Father John Palenberg   Telephone Number: +447031987990
Address: St Giles Cripplegate, Fore Street, Barbican, London EC2Y 8DA,     E-mail:revfatherjohnpalenberg.uk.009@gmail.com E-mail:revfatherjohnpalenberg099.co.uk@gmail.com
You are advised to provide him with the following information:
 
1) Full Name: 
2) Phone/Fax Number: 
3) Nationality:  
4) Residence Address:
5) Country of Residence:
6) Marital Status:
7) Age: 
8) Ref: 475061725
9) Batch: 7056490902/188
10) Winning no: GB8701/LPRC                                 
                                  
 MEANS OF PAYMENT
 Cheque Delivery 
 Atm Card Payment 
 Bank Account Transfer  
    Once again congratulations from all our staffs on your Consolation prize winning, we hope you will partake in our Forth coming AUSTRALIAN LOTTERY MICROSOFT/ STAATSLOTERIJ Email-games.                                                          
Yours faithfully,                                         
Carol Sweet
Online coordinator for               
AUSTRALIAN LOTTO PROGRAMME, 
Sweepstakes International Program.

Night Burnings

Tonight was the kind of night that folds the rain around you when you stand in it.
Countless misty droplets floating between the raindrops.
The kind of night that umbrellas oncoming car headlights.
Kind of pretty when you see them coming.
Really lousy when you're behind the wheel.
The kind of night where you feel dark even standing under a streetlight.
So when the power went out, we got no help from the windows.
Three fire engines were arriving, somewhere nearby.
Four, maybe five blocks away.
And in the air over the driveway, the misty drops were pulsing an awful orange tone.
Northward, through the trees and houses, the color was brighter, a throbbing beat against the night.
No flames.
No smoke.
No stench of burning anything.
Just a steady, slow, pulse of some living thing quietly consuming its fuel.
Whatever it was.

The lights came back two hours later, after a couple false starts.
The images will probably stay with me for a little while longer.

Chuck Jones Biopic to Air on Turner Classic Movies

TCM is running a film entitiled Memories of Childhood this coming March 24 at 8pm.

The film, a short bio on Chuck Jones, one of the all time greatest animators on the planet (ever), combines interviews with the man taken shortly before his death with new animation created for the film.

Jones started sketching during the interviews--the producers of the film took those sketches and used them to create the new animation.

New Chuck Jones!

According to the TCM site, the network will run some classic pieces after the documentary.

Link is here.

Alternative bio material here.

 

Blockbuster Video Policies Change Unannounced Except Where Announced

I have a Blockbuster Total Access plan.

A little one: Two discs at a time, 3 instore exchanges per month.

With tax, that's $18.01 per month.

Netflix gives three discs for that amount of money.

But Netflix is still throttling without telling you.

Even after they got sued for it almost three years ago.

Different media, then. Now its streaming vid. Back then it was on the disc-mailing thing.

But I digress.

I meant to say, "But Blockbuster has a store located less than half a mile from my house."

And those instore exchanges are neat.

Were neat.

Blockbuster changed the policy supporting the exchanges without telling me.

Way it used to be--up until last freakin week, anyway:

Bring a mailed vid to a Blockbuster, exchange it for a new one instead of mailing it back.

Take a week to watch this one.

No problem.

Meantime, the wheels of mail-order support started grinding right away, crediting my account with the exchanged vid, and launching the next one in my queue.

If you count it out, that's actually three vids in the cycle instead of two.

That was a feature promoted by Blockbuster--a reason to visit their local stores where they could sell me popcorn and video games.

That's gone now.

In a policy change that went into effect--behind the scenes, as far as I see it--the in-store exchanges now count towards my two-at-a-time rental cap.

Blockbuster's policy change is on their website, of course.

Now.

That's the beauty of the web. You can make page changes and nobody is the wiser unless you tell them you've edited the page.

Or you read the copy.

But I never got word of it in an email. Nor did my account site reflect the change.

Not a word.

I just happened to notice that my Blockbuster queue total now included "unidentified store rental" in my title list instead of the next title in my queue's list.

There's a debate ongoing over who got notification emails and who didn't.

I'm one of the customers who didn't get one.

Bleah.

I can't work up a righteous anger over the change--Blockbuster is doing whatever it can in order to stay alive.

If someone comes up with a decent monthly rental plan that feeds my PS3 I'm on it.

Sony's got plenty of movies and content available online for me.

But it's single-shot rentals only.

And I'm streaky.

And there is that store just a half-mile away......

My Millions Are with Fed Ex

My buddy Alton Winner wrote me the other day.

From Saudi Arabia.

He must be my buddy.

He emailed me 47 times today.

Told me he expected me to be in the Benin Republic already, to pick up my 4.5 million bucks.

But I wasn't in the Benin Republic.

So he was leaving my millions secured via Federal Express.

In the Benin Republic.

While he's gone on to Saudi Arabia.

On other business, I guess.

But he's covered the delivery fees.

Wow.

What a guy.

All I have to do is cover the security keeping fee.

Which he didn't specify in his email, alas.

All I need to do is supply my full name.

And address.

And phone.

And cell phone.

And photograph.

And age and occupation.

To confirm everything they already have, understand.

I just have to call +229-98582119 and talk with Dr. Yayi.

Dr. Aminu Yayi.

Or I can email him at fedex.couriercompan55@live.fr

Gosh.

I can hardly wait to get started collecting my money.

It'll probably take a while to get though.

What with all the top secret stuff involved, and all.

<Sigh>

I wonder if I can use the email as security on a vacation home?

I've repro'd the email below, for all you unbelievers:

From: "Mr. Alton Winner" <gawezrty@yahoo.com>
Sent: Mar 13, 2009 8:49 PM
To: jorob@ix.netcom.com
Subject: Contact FedEx Express For Your Package

ATTENTION!!!

I have been waiting for you to come down here and pick your $4.5 Million Dollars USD but I did not heard from you. Then I went and deposited the $4.5 Million Dollars USD, as a consignment boxes to FEDEX COURIER COMAPNY BENIN BRANCH. in Benin Republic, because I travelled to SAUDI ARABIA and i will not come back till next month end. I want you to contact the FEDEX COURIER COMAPNY BENIN BRANCH. to know when they will deliver your consignment boxes to you. Please i want to let you know that only the director knows the content and no body else knows about this only Dr Aminu Yayi the director So please waist no time in contacting them with the below information. I have paid for the delivery fee so the only money you have to send to them now is the security keeping fee of your consignment. Please i will advice you to be friendly with Dr Aminu Yayi the director because he alone has the idea of the content of your consignment. But i want to let you know that i did not give him the ke
 y of the boxes so please take note so as soon as they deliver the consignment use this(Code numbers to open the tow boxes to know if the complete amount of $4.5 Million Dollars USD is in it. The first box code (0036589) the second box code (0014759) and i want you to keep this code numbers confidential in your home to avoid another person getting in touch with your money. may God bless you and your family.

CONTACT PERSON/Dr.Aminu Yayi

FEDEX EXPRESS COURIER COMAPNY BENIN BRANCH.

E-mail/ fedex.couriercompan55@live.fr

Website/www.fedex.com

CONTACT PHONE NUMBER/ +229-98582119

Try to contact them as soon as possible to avoid increasing the security keeping fee I gave them your delivering address but you have to reconfirm it to them again to avoid them making mistake in delivering your consignment to your home, reconfirm below information to the company immediately and tell them to send to you the airway bill receipt as soon as you send them the security fee. I would have paid the security fee for you but they said no way because they don't know when you will contact them so please they are waiting for you to contact them with your information to avoid mistake in delivery. and let them know also that they should waist no time in sending to you the tracking number of your consignment so that you can be able to track it and know when it will arrive your country.

Your Full Name-----------------------

You're Address---------------------------

Home telephone---------------------

Cell Telephone---------------------

Your pic----------------------------------

Your Age and Occupation-------------------

Let me know as soon as you receive your consignment, and check the contents weather the complete of the total $4.5 Million Dollars USD is in it. Please always call them to know the condition of this Tow boxes because you know the content so please let it be very important to you So try and do everything possible to make sure that this two boxes gets to your home with out any delay.

Regards

Mr. Alton Winner

Write and Feel Better. Burton and King Have Proved It.

Researchers took 49 college students and asked them to write for two minutes, for two days in a row, on something they found to be emotionally significant.

The participants showed immediate improvement in mood.
They performed better on standardized measures of physiological well being, too.
But the first sentence is easier to digest, since you don't find yourself asking questions.
Like, "There are standardized measures of physiological well being?"

The researchers comment, "This study shows that health benefits follow from just 2 minutes of written
expression. Certainly these results do not mean that spending more time expressing emotion is bad but they do show that the minimum dosage required may be lower than previously thought."

There you have it.

The fastest relief available without a prescription.

December 21, 2012: The Day It Finally Ends

I recently wrote about Integretel.

And referred to doomsday as occurring in 2012.

Because the Mayans--they didn't have to deal with Integretel--created a calendar back when they were building a civilization.

Except the calendar expires.

December 21, 2012.

Jeez.

Way to screw up Christmas, guys.